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last day of school---unsaid goodbye

Today has been the most-awaited day of every student. The end classes has always been fun and exciting but at the same time sad and teary.

Well anyway, final exams are over but someting still bothers me.

you see, I happen to run into my ex-boyfrined's mom the other day and I felt so well-cared for. She asked how I was and everything. She's my ultimate idol.

But then the news that she and her whole family's going to the US this sunday made me uneasy. In my mind I wanted to say a few words of farewell to my ex. I don't know if I 'm going to see him again or not. I don't know what it would actually be like to start over again.

Not seeing and not talking to him was a big shock for me since we've been together for almost a year. Today, I wnat to muster up all my strength and swallow my pride...I want to talk to him, really...

Dismissal time.

I saw him. He was four feet away from me. He was surrounded by his friends. I was surrounded by friends, too. We both saw each other and we both know we need to talk.(i think) At least five times and five chances were given to me to talk to him.

I couldn't...I stopped myself...but then I have to...................

I looked for him again but he was gone.

I decided to come home. And for the final time, I saw him. He was alone. I stopped for breath. *inhale* *exhale* Then I went for him. He was already far because he's such a big person walking in big steps.

I ran. Then I slowed down. He was near now. But I was afraid. He might shove me off or slap me or laugh at me. He might actually try to hurt me.

I tried to call him three times but my voice keeps falling out. My throat became dry and I couldn't even speak. I looked up at him and tried again but his friends showed up.

I lost my chance. I cried and then nothing.

merengue

I love cake! But as I remember the days when somebody would look at me dissapprovingly whenever I eat one. I remember when that person hugged me whenever I'm sad. Before it cake that could only make me happy, now it's still cake but I can't help but want a hug from that person.

Yes folks, this entry is once again about my ex.

Grr. I can't forget about him. Last night I dreamt about him hugging and kissing me. In my dream, he said that he wanted me back. I do want him back but just recently I discovered that he was cursing me in his YM status. Actually I thought it was funny...cursing me because he thought I already "replaced" him.

And then, just when I thought I wouldn't think about him again, Super Inggo recieved a text that said "You're only being used by that girl to make herself forget about her past." I cried to that becuase it was like history repeating itself.

Later that day, I decided that I was going to reject all my suitors to get them out of my stupid life. They said they would wait until I was ready for a relationship. Something about their waiting makes me sick. GRR.

I love full house!! It makes me sooo happy!!! I wish I had an original soundtrack..

happy and then sad

A lot of things happened lately but they're just too personal to even blog about. Only four people know about my recent "problem". The good thing is that two of the people who know are very supportive.  *I LOVE YOU GUYS* To my bestfriend Gem and my current suitor/ new bestfriend Super Inggo, thank you!! *sigh* It's so nice to have loyal and supportive friends.

Anyway, Super Inggo has just met my parents last Saturday. But before that, we went to SM Manila, Luneta and then Baywalk. It was nice. But, it was practically a hiking trip. My parents are cool about having suitors and boyfriends. They just said that if we were going on a date someday, we just have to ask permission.  I know. Not an ordinary parents' response to having suitors and the like, but I think it's cool that they're cool about it. I think all parents should be like mine.

When Super Inggo knew that I had the "problem", he called and said that he was coming over. I was like "OMG" and speechless for a moment. He came but he didn't see me because of Mom. Long story short, he got lost on the way. hehe

Now, I have to do my Theology report about the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick.

videos and updates on me life...

also, I'm trying to find other videos I love.

Right now, I have at least three suitors. None of which I found that could be the one for me. On'es not doing in school, another's trying to take advantage of our "past" together, and the last one's claiming he has a crush on me even though I haven't seen him at all.

That's about it. School's good. Home? Just the same desolate hiding place for my misery.

Anyway, I've just been doing okay. Trying to be happy has never been so easier.